Thankful

While cleaning the house today and listening to Lady Gaga, I did spend some time thinking about what I was thankful for.

I'm thankful for a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in the kitchen.
I'm thankful for my ability to cook.
I'm thankful for my family: my parents and my siblings, through thick and thin, we are together.
I'm thankful for my two wonderful, dogs: Dumbo and Dingbat (not their actual names)
I'm thankful for my music: words cannot describe how much this means to me. It makes me tick.
I'm thankful for my education: all three elementary schools, middle school, high school, and college.
I'm thankful for my friends: past, present, and future. You are the best support system I could wish for.
I'm thankful for my choir friends. They are a whole category in and of themselves.
I'm thankful for my job: the people I work with and the kids I teach.
I'm thankful for my mentors: you come in many shapes and forms, and you have all been completely inspiring.
I'm thankful for my ability to drive: with or without a car, it is a helpful thing to know.
I'm thankful for my study habits: they get me great grades and opportunities in life.
I'm thankful for my acting talent: I love finding new lives in the imaginary world.
I'm thankful for clever jokes I find on Facebook (like the following:

• I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
• Forgive me for ignoring you. I was Writing in my head.
• Sometimes your "Knight in Shining Armor" is just a "Retard in Tin Foil."
• :(: Bipolar

"So for tonight, we pray for/ What we know can be,/ And on this day we hope for/ What we still can't see./ It's up to us to be the change/ And even though we all can still do more,/ There's so much to be thankful for."

Judas

So, Lady Gag's new album "Born This Way" was officially released today. I've heard some of the songs on the radio as they've been released (Born This Way which has already be parodied by "Weird Al" Yankovic in Perform This Way, Edge of Glory), but one that I had not heard as much was Judas.

Amazon was running a deal today, so I got the album and has already begun slowly working my way through it. Taking a hint from the name, I began to listen closely to the lyrics of the song, expecting a religious theme, seeing as Judas betrayed Jesus at Gethsemane. what i found was incredibly interesting. The lyrics are filled with references to the story of Jesus and his disciples during Holy Week. This was more than I was ever able to get listening to it once or twice on the radio while driving to work (which is probably a good thing as I should probably focus on the road while driving).

The link above is for the music video. The video itself essentially depicts Jesus and his disciples as a motorcycle gang with Gaga as Mary Magdalene. each disciple has his name on the back of his jacket, and "Jesus" has a crown of thorns on his head. Gaga, in addition to all of her crazy costumes that are the norm in her videos (and in pretty much all of her public appearances) has one outfit that is a red bandanna and a blue headscarf/shawl. Jesus is always trying to break up fights and use peace to keep everyone together. Judas is your typical "bad boy:" drinking, starting fights, and staring lustily at women.

While I think we have all come to expect really crazy things from Lady Gaga, I don't know if people were prepared for this particular video. Considering the amount of religious tension that can be seen everywhere on a day to day basis, I wondered how people would be reacting to the song and the video. On Youtube, the video has over 75,000 dislikes to its 235,000 likes. The comments are filled with arguments over whether or not people like Gaga (and a fair amount of curse words are thrown around as people try to defend their positions). My favorite comment is as follows:

"Why is everyone so against this song? She's basically saying that even though she tries to be good, everyone is tempted by the bad at certain times.Using Judas and Jesus' names were just a metaphor for the good and the bad. What's so wrong about that???"

I think this perfectly describes what she's getting at in the song. I don't think it's any kind of religious crack or commentary. Judas and Jesus happen to be one of the most well known pairs of good versus bad (I know it's more complex than that, but stay with me here). I have yet to meet someone who was not at least slightly tempted by something bad or forbidden; that is what Judas represents. Jesus is the symbol for the right path, the path of what is healthy and smart and good. However, that being said, it is very difficult to stick to the straight and narrow at any point in time; that's where choice comes in.  It's up to us to choose the good over the very tempting thing that might not be good for us: the bad boy, drugs, sex, food, etc. In the end, I think it is a clever, expressive way to describe a very prevalent issue. I personally like this song. I like Lady Gaga as an artist and for her bold self-expression. I mean, come on. What other artist could pull off a dress made of raw meat?

"I'm just a Holy fool/ Oh baby he's so cruel but/ I'm still in love with Judas baby."

Till the World Ends

Considering the current hype, I figured this title was very appropriate. I was really ticked to hear that people were saying the world is going to end today. Seeing as how everything dies as soon as it comes into existence, to hear people say that, "This is the beginning of the end of the world" is absolutely retarded (sorry if that's not politically correct). The world began to die 4.5 billion years ago. So there. That's my two cents. Although, I really do hate that little voice whispering, "But what if they're right?" Shut up, Voice. You don't have a say in this. So freaking there.

It's been a long week. With unpacking, adjusting to being home, job applications, work, choir, and a still messed up sleep schedule, I'm ready to drop. Go freaking figure. It also doesn't seem to matter how early I get up in the morning, my body refuses to fall asleep before 12:30 or 1 in the morning. it has been nice to not worry about papers and projects being due. Being out of school does wonders for keeping stress levels down.

I have a concert in a few hours; my brother is making dinner and then we'll leave for our call. The music is gonna be amazing, and I LOVE the people I'm singing with. I almost feel more at home in this choir than I actually do at home. I'll be thrilled to be singing, excited to get a good night sleep, and ecstatic to wake up safe and sound in my own bed in the morning.

I will say this: if the world had to end tonight, at least I know I will be with my family, and I will be making wonderful music that feeds my soul. That's all I really need, right?

"See that sunlight, we ain't stoppin'/ Keep on dancin' till the world ends./ If you feel it, let it happen/ Keep on dancin' till the world ends."

Coming Home

Well, the title was appropriate on Thursday when I meant to write it. As of May 12th, I am finished with my Freshman year of college!!!!! So much has happened this year for me academically, emotionally, and mentally that it has taken most of the last six days for me to start feeling like a human being again. A good portion of that comes from sleeping for 10 hours straight the last few days. It's amazing how inhuman you feel when sleep deprivation sets in. But, on some level, getting minimal sleep the last few weeks has been a good thing. The end of term grades I've gotten so far have been really good (all A or A-), and I was able to get most of my stuff packed and home before Thursday last week. Then, thanks to a computer virus one of my family members got, I've had to wait to use my computer until we did major maintenance on it.

My dorm room was so depressing with all of the pictures and posters down and packed. It's been nice to work on putting them up in my room at home, though. For the first time in 4 years, my room feels like a place I live and can call home as opposed to a room where I keep my ridiculous amount of stuff. I even spent last night putting up some of the strings of lights I got for my dorm room. In all honesty, my room at home now feels like a dorm room in the basement of my parents' house. :)

So much about me has changed in the past eight/nine months. I've relaxed in school, not to the point where I've let my grades slip, but I'm not so stuck up about having to study non-stop for 5 or 6 hours every day. I have a social life for the first time in 19 years, and I've discovered that I really enjoy it. I love having friends I can hang out with and can talk to on a regular basis. I trust myself to try new things and experiment more than I ever did before. I'm able to talk to my friends about more things too, trusting them more than I ever have before. I trust my own talent more, especially in acting. After playing "Van's Sister," I really feel that I have actual acting talent (Thanks Basic Acting I). I'm investing in relationships with other people to the point that I didn't want to say goodbye to my absolutely amazing roommate. I still have difficulty with things drawing to a close, but I know that I'll get to see all my friends again, probably sooner than I think.

This year away from home has been a true opportunity for me to grow. I would not trade it for anything in the world. Here comes the summer before my Sophomore year of college!!

"I'm coming home/ I'm coming home/ Tell the world I'm coming home/ Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday/ I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes/ I'm coming home/ I'm coming home/ Tell the world that I'm coming home."

The Fame

So, Dog Sees God closed last night. I really thought it wouldn't hit me as hard as it eventually did. I was still up at 2 this morning trying to deal with everything. The show itself was phenomenal. I loved the cast, I loved the crew, I loved the play, the entire experience was incomparable.

This entire week has been a bit surreal. I've gotten compliments from people who've seen things I was in before, but all week, I've had random students come up to me and say, "You were amazing in the show last night!" My acting teacher is so proud of me, I know my joy was shared by all my cast mates (who were also AMAZING). I've even had friends come back to see the show a second or third time because they enjoyed it so much.

The end of the show coincides with the end of classes and the beginning of finals. This coming week is going to be absolutely insane, but I know it will be wonderful to finish the year. As much as I already miss the show, I will miss my friends more over the summer. If Van's Sister was such an amazing part for me as a freshman in college, I almost can't wait to see where I am senior year.

After 19 years, I'm finally learning how to live. It feels amazing and scary and thrilling and painful and relaxing. And all I can say is, "Well, I's about mutherf---ing time!"- Van's Sister

"Give me something I wanna be/ Retro glamor, Hollywood yes we live for the Fame."

Linus and Lucy

I will start this post off by saying SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!! Do not read this if you have not yet seen and are intending to see Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead at FDU this week (8pm curtain in the Dreyfuss Theater). Once you've seen it, then read to your heart's content. I will be discussing a good portion of the show because, let's face it: opening night was amazing, and I am running hot after the performance. Oh, and did I mention that DSG is the Peanuts characters in high school?

We auditioned for this show the week we got back from winter break, so the end of January. We got the cast list 2 weeks later because of audition conflicts, illnesses, and callbacks. The day the cast list went out was the longest day EVER, and when we finally got it around 6:30 that night, I'm pretty sure you could hear me screaming for joy all the way across the campus. I got the part I wanted: Van's Sister aka Lucy Van Pelt. And to make things even more amazing, My roommate got CB's Sister aka Sally Brown. The cast is 8 people. The final breakdown is: 4 guys and 4 girls- 5 freshman, 1 sophomore, 1 junior, and 1 senior. AND, and, and, and, and a FRESHMAN GOT CB aka Charlie Brown. We were all so excited.

Rehearsals began on April 4th. The show opened May 4th. You do the math.

The read through was so fun. It was awesome to hear the characters through the voices of my friends. We would get our rehearsal schedules a day or two in advance, but before the first week was out, he had the ENTIRE SHOW roughly blocked. It was pretty cool, truth be told.

Then we began delving deeper into the blocking, the language, the crafting. I had to make sure I crafted with CB and Van aka Linus because Van's Sister had a relationship with CB and Van and Van's Sister are siblings (duh. Linus and Lucy). But I digress...

I think I was the first person completely off book, not gonna lie, although we were all off book by the 18th of April, only 2 weeks into the rehearsals. That seems like an eon ago already, a whole other lifetime. We've come so far since then, getting more comfortable with the blocking and the text and with each other. We are at the point where we are a family. When we're on pre-circ we're an incredibly dysfunctional family but a family none the less.

In the play, my character has been institutionalized for setting the "Little Red-headed Girl's" hair on fire. hehehe. That was really fun to craft. In her scene, CB comes to visit her for the first time since her incarceration, but what starts as her screwing with his head turns into him one-upping her for the first time since she's known him. The ensuing conversation is incredibly memorable and insanely fun to go through. He tells her that he kissed Beethoven (aka Schroeder) and that they've had sex, to which she replies, "You're a HOMO, CB!" On a side note, some of my absolute best friends are gay, so that line is totally her and not me; the hardest part of her character was not getting angry or the relationship with CB (which I truly thought it would be), it's the fact that she is a bit of a hater. Well, more than a bit. Well, she probably still has feelings for CB. Well, I mean, come on. Her ex just told her he's probably gay. What would you do?

In the end, she levels the playing field with the confession, "I was pregnant." Now, of course, no one knows if she actually was or not because she hasn't been fully serious with anything else the entire scene (I know because I had to decide of course, but I'm not telling), so she does leave CB hanging. The final moment when she calls him a blockhead is just so touching, even though she's shouting at him because it is so reminiscent of when they were kids that it just makes me want to smile (once I'm off stage in the shop doing my victory dance).

Oh, and did I mention that as part of my preparation to play Van's Sister, I learned how to knit and made the scarf used in the show by hand? No? Well, I did. I had my mom teach me over Spring Break (I started March 12) and I finished the scarf the Monday of Holy Week (April 18). It's yellow with a solid black section for the neck, black fringe, and a black zig-zag stripe at either end, the "Charlie Brown" stripe. We used the unfinished scarf (with the knitting needles still in it, I might add) for the few weeks of rehearsal when I was still working on it. When I got stuck at rehearsal, instead of doing homework (which I have started to regret), I would sit, watch the rehearsal, and knit. If I had a four hour slot that I got stuck there for, I could get a good 2 inches done. I was so excited to finish the scarf and feel like I'd really accomplished something important.

I think college has opened me up to being predictable in unpredictability because my final act this week to get into character was to dye my hair. Jet black. I'm still not totally used to it. I see it out of the corner of my eye and go, "O right. There's no red there anymore," but it's not until I look in a mirror that I go, "OMG. It's really, really dark now." I had one of the theater people dye it on the Dreyfuss steps on Tuesday afternoon. It looks fantastic. Oh, and did I mention it's permanent? I loved seeing the looks on my friends' faces as I told them this little detail.

I love having my own mirror in the shop for make-up. Our Beethoven made signs for everyone with our names and a cartoon of our character. I then went on Google and found several cartoons of Lucy to tape to the mirror. They make me smile, and they help me get into character, so they do their job very nicely. I especially love the one where Lucy is pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. That never gets old.

One of the best things about the opening night show (aside from the roar of applause and cheers after my scene which was AWESOME!!!!!!) was the fact that my parents, choir director + co, and choir friend ;-) were all there to see the show. It really warmed my heart to know that they were there and to see them afterwards. Thank you guys. It means more than words can ever begin to express.

I'm so proud of my fellow cast members. I can't wait to do this 3 more times. I know I will be so sad when it's over on Saturday, but we are gonna knock 'em dead!!!!!

(OK, so I wound up talking about my part of the show for most of this, but can you blame me? It could also be that it's 2 in the morning on Cinco de Mayo now, and I should probably be heading to bed. Roftlcopter.)

"Doo d' doo doodoodoo Dooooo dooo. Doo d' doo dooooooo"

I Will Survive

Tech Day. Lord help us all. Forgive me the next bit, I just need to vent to someone.

We've been here since noon. It's almost 8pm. We got to my scene 20 minutes ago, spent 10 on it including running transitions, then moved on. We probably won't get to the end of the show for at least another 3 hours. The director and the lighting guru are constantly fighting. It's like a constant power struggle.

Because the house lights have to be out while we tech the show, it's been very unproductive from a homework standpoint. I would've fallen asleep taking a nap earlier if the floor hadn't felt like ice. Our nerves are all starting to wear thin. Dinner break was more than 2 hours ago. And on top of everything else, the work I was planning to do during this time is still sitting undone because I can't read in the dark.

Ok. I already feel better. This whole week has just been looooooooong, and the upcoming week is the infamous Hell Week: tech week, opening night, the run of the show, and closing night. In addition, it's also the last week of classes. I wonder if there are ones I can sleep through to make up for midnight crafting sessions with my Basic Acting I partner...it is just going to be one of those weeks.

"I will survive"