Hey, Soul Sister

This one has been a long time overdue. At least two weeks now. But better late than never, right?

On the 13th of this month, I made my first solo road trip to Connecticut to visit a friend. Now, the special thing about this friend (well, there are probably a billion things), but the first is that we met over the internet.

*le gasp!* I know, but calm down. We met chatting about Sherlock and within the first hour of talking traded Tumblr IDs. So, following each other there, we got to setting up daily times to talk, usually in the evenings when we were both done with the trials of the day, or, as it was April, school. It's now three months later, and we could not be closer friends.

The best discover I think we made in all of our hours and hours of talking is that we are Brain Twins. I lost count after the first week of how many times we told each other to get out of the other's head...if that sentence makes any sense. We finish each other's sentences, grab quotes from thin air, have inside jokes (soup jobson...you had to be there). It's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and a lot has happened to me.

So, it wasn't really a surprise that we had trouble working out a visit. My parents were strangely okay with me visiting, but hers put their foot down. Really didn't surprise me. I figured at least one set if not both would.  Then on one of the two times we've Skyped face to face (we traded Skype IDs after about a month), she took me around to meet her Mum and Brother. After confirming that I'm not a middle-aged man in a basement somewhere, we got the all clear.

The drive sucked. There is no other way to describe it. Stuck in Friday afternoon traffic and getting lost several times even with the GPS, the trip too 5 1/2 hours (to compare, the trip home took 2 3/4 hours). I did have good tunes, though, and the scenery was pretty enough, but after the long haul, I made it.

We were inseparable for the 36 hours or so that I was there. Twin's family was wonderful and kind, more than gracious in accepting me into their home and making me feel like one of the family. Her siblings were amazing and clever and just as big fans of things as I am. I wore my "Doctor Pooh" shirt on Saturday to everyone's delight. I even cooked them dinner on Saturday, my way of saying thanks; I even taught Twin the dishes and left recipes.

It didn't last nearly long enough, and all too soon I had to leave. We still talk every day by text or by Skype, usually both. I get flack from my parents about not talking face to face or voice to voice enough, but how can I make them understand that talking through text is enough right now? Save face to face for when we can sit on the sofa and talk about everything and nothing until two in the morning. Save face to face for when we're cooking together and dancing to my iPod. Save face to face for when we're driving in the car or strolling through the mall. Save voice to voice for when I'm lost on the highway and need to let Twin know I'm eventually going to make it there. In order to be friends, we don't have to see or hear each other.

We just have to be there when the other needs us. And that is enough.

"You see, I can be myself now finally/ In fact there's nothing I can't be/ I want the world to see you'll be with me/ Hey, soul sister..."

Drumming Song/ The Sound of Drums

"Is there hope of our parents ever understanding the world we live in as we see it? Understanding that we have thousands and thousands of friends and that it's possible to be friends with them and never meet or speak? To follow them on Tumblr or leave comments on their writing or artwork is enough?"


I was going to do a different topic with this particular song combination, but in light of a recent fight with my parents (specifically my Mum), I felt a short rant was called for.


I'm not proud of the fact that I fight with my parents on a regular basis. Mum says it's normal and part of growing up, but when I wake up each day not knowing if I'm going to be best friends or worst enemies with my parents (again, usually my Mum), it tends to put a girl on edge.


I will admit that I have problems with communication on a regular basis. You happy now? So what if I planned to have the leftover London broil for my lunch today? It wasn't out on the counter, it wasn't labeled with a post-it, there wasn't a meal plan on the fridge. I had no idea it was intended for the salad until Mum said something. And yes, I did overreact a bit, but I'm not in the best head space today. I know that isn't an excuse, but I'm really trying here. When i said she could go ahead and use some of it, she said no, I could have it.


That's the one thing I don't get, no matter what she says to explain it. I'm offering back what I feel I messed up with, and she's telling me know. The look on her face as well: resigned, frustrated, trying not to take it out on me. And she'll deny that was the face she was making. he'll say that I'm reading into it too much and making things up, seeing what's not there.


Then, after lunch, I'm trying to explain why I'm so excited to be a part of fandoms like "Doctor Who" and "Sherlock", talking about the group in terms of "we," and she doesn't understand it! It seems to baffle her that I consider myself part of this huge group of people, most of which has never met face to face.


Why does being friends or being connected with other people have to hinge on meeting face to face or talking over the phone? Why can't she understand that the world is changing? I get that she was never a big part of fan bases like I am, but why can't she try and get that it is something that makes me happy? Makes my life better? Gives me a place to channel excess emotions and energy in healthy ways?


Anyway, the point of all this is I just need to vent and I'm tired of feeling misunderstood by my parents and by other adults alike. Sometimes, it feels like all of the disapproval and side glances and incredulous looks just reinforce the noise in my head. I chose the songs by Florence + the Machine and by Chameleon Circuit because they both work. They fit together very well to illustrate the pounding in my head from not being heard...and not being able to hear myself.

"Louder than sirens, louder than bells/ Sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell..."

"Can you hear them? They're coming, they're in the signal. They're in my head..."