I was going to do a different topic with this particular song combination, but in light of a recent fight with my parents (specifically my Mum), I felt a short rant was called for.
I'm not proud of the fact that I fight with my parents on a regular basis. Mum says it's normal and part of growing up, but when I wake up each day not knowing if I'm going to be best friends or worst enemies with my parents (again, usually my Mum), it tends to put a girl on edge.
I will admit that I have problems with communication on a regular basis. You happy now? So what if I planned to have the leftover London broil for my lunch today? It wasn't out on the counter, it wasn't labeled with a post-it, there wasn't a meal plan on the fridge. I had no idea it was intended for the salad until Mum said something. And yes, I did overreact a bit, but I'm not in the best head space today. I know that isn't an excuse, but I'm really trying here. When i said she could go ahead and use some of it, she said no, I could have it.
That's the one thing I don't get, no matter what she says to explain it. I'm offering back what I feel I messed up with, and she's telling me know. The look on her face as well: resigned, frustrated, trying not to take it out on me. And she'll deny that was the face she was making. he'll say that I'm reading into it too much and making things up, seeing what's not there.
Then, after lunch, I'm trying to explain why I'm so excited to be a part of fandoms like "Doctor Who" and "Sherlock", talking about the group in terms of "we," and she doesn't understand it! It seems to baffle her that I consider myself part of this huge group of people, most of which has never met face to face.
Why does being friends or being connected with other people have to hinge on meeting face to face or talking over the phone? Why can't she understand that the world is changing? I get that she was never a big part of fan bases like I am, but why can't she try and get that it is something that makes me happy? Makes my life better? Gives me a place to channel excess emotions and energy in healthy ways?
Anyway, the point of all this is I just need to vent and I'm tired of feeling misunderstood by my parents and by other adults alike. Sometimes, it feels like all of the disapproval and side glances and incredulous looks just reinforce the noise in my head. I chose the songs by Florence + the Machine and by Chameleon Circuit because they both work. They fit together very well to illustrate the pounding in my head from not being heard...and not being able to hear myself.
"Louder than sirens, louder than bells/ Sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell..."
"Can you hear them? They're coming, they're in the signal. They're in my head..."
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