The service was quite sublime tonight. I was very satisfied with the choir as a whole. Our director uses a great deal of plain song (aka Gregorian Chant) during this service: the Kyrie, Psalm, Sanctus, Agnus Dei, and Hymn 166 were all chanted. I found it added a whole other level of mystery to the service. We sang the Mozart Ave Verum as the offertory, definitely one of my favorite pieces ever.
But something happened tonight that I didn't expect, probably because it hasn't happened before. during the Stay with Me, a Taize piece we sang at Communion, I was so moved by the music and the voices singing the solos that I was just about in tears (just about because my eyes were filled with them but I didn't actually let myself cry; I didn't want my mascara to create railroad tracks on my cheeks). I've never cried in church before. I'd blame it simply on the music (which was GORGEOUS) except for the fact that I was actually connecting with the lyrics of the song. Again, I'm deliberately paying close attention to the story as it unfolds this year, so to hear one of the soloists asking to have the "cup taken away so he didn't have to drink," knowing that he is asking to not have to die for his people, that is insanely moving. And then the second soloist concedes with "God's Will" and agrees to die; I really thought I was going to lose all my control.
So now I am back in my dorm, going through what I suppose can only be called a "crisis of faith." I don't necessarily believe what is being said is the absolute, unfathomable truth (as I've said previously), but something in the story is really moving me. I don't go to church to be moved; I go to sing and make music. I don't go to worship, I go to spend time with people I like and admire and want to continue singing with. So to be sitting in the service almost in tears was very bizarre and kind of scary for me. I wonder where I will be in three days after the Easter Services.
"I only want to say/ If there is a way/ Take this cup away from me/ For I don't want to taste it's poison..."
No comments:
Post a Comment