I was sure that "all the king's horses and all the king's men" would be completely useless in putting me back together again, but a walk outside, a relaxing shower, and a long talk with my mom helped start the process. Long story short, I'm now slowly rebuilding my brain and will be asleep very soon. My life rules and personal image have essentially shattered into billions of pieces and need to be reassembled into what I want them to be now: lessen my judgmental tendencies, change my stance on issues that have been immovable, strengthen and increase the amount of positive affirmations floating around, pretty much making myself into the woman I want to be.
One of the major discoveries form this morning was the recognition of different kinds of love: love of desire/lust/love=WANT and usually shows up when out of a relationship versus the love of true love/soul mates/ lifetime of fulfillment. The difference is astounding because I currently feel one the former and have seen the latter in action. My mom explained that men tend to see the big picture while women tend to end up with a narrow, almost OCD view of a particular problem, and that they balance each other out; men help women open up while women help men to bring their focus in. It made a great deal of sense, especially since I can see the aforementioned tendencies in my own life.
I was planning to write more, but I think I ran out of words (that and my eyelids feel like lead weights are attached). Here is Katy Perry to say what I cannot:
"You don't have to be a shell, No/ You're the one who rules your world/ You are strong and you'll learn/ That you can still go on/ And you'll always be a pearl."
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