The hardest thing about being single is seeing all the couples in love, regardless of how the relationship actually is. For me, my brain decides to have me develop a crush to deal with the inner pain of being single. Unfortunately, the guy is usually unattainable or not interested or...bats for the other team. My gay-dar is so completely broken that unless the guy is flaming, I honestly can't tell. I'd rather have a perfectly functioning gay-dar, personally. But, I digress...
It always happens when I decide to not look and to get comfortable with myself: who I am, where I am, what is going on in my life, stuff like that. And, without fail, less than 3 days after that decision, BAM! I'm completely smitten by someone. I don't actively seek it out, I don't plan for it to happen. And until it hurts so much that I have to let go of it and move on, it's wonderful. Except for the fact that he can't know. He can't ever know.
Yesterday, I decided to let go of my current crush. As hard as it is, it was getting to be too painful, mixed with all of the emotions stirred up from Holy Week, I couldn't handle how I was feeling, and as wonderful as it was to have this crush, it was no longer serving me well. I suppose my only concern now is who my brain will set its sights on next. I guess I'll find out. Or not. Maybe this will be the time where I don't look and don't notice. Part of me really hopes so.
I now turn to Katy Perry again for some final words of wisdom to leave you with. I've really grown close to her music in the past few weeks. The songs and lyrics are really applicable to real life and have meaning for me. Last night's title and today's title are both hers.
"My heart stops/ When you look at me/ Just one touch/ Now baby I believe/ This is real/ So take a chance/ And don't ever look back/ Don't ever look back."
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